The pressure of blue sky

It has been one of those quintessential Colorado weekends. Blue skies, 70 degrees and no wind. I was undergoing a slight battle with myself – fighting some unknown impulse that I should be outside and climbing or hiking or otherwise taking advantage of such perfect weather.  Its funny that even though I am currently unemployed the fact that it was also a weekend added to this pressure.

Where does this come from? I spent time with friends, relaxed, read, packed for my trip to Mexico and from most perspectives this was a great weekend.  I wonder if this is yet another area of life that I put undue pressure on myself?  I live in a place like Boulder with 300+ sunny days so that I DON’T have to get out every single nice day but can gladly choose what works best for me. If I really delve into this feeling, I think it comes from a fear of running out of time, of getting old, of only having a finite number of days to live to the fullest.   The irony is that as I felt the pressure to get out and do something ‘adventurous’ today I was detracting from whatever I was doing  in the moment.   This entire week has highlighted the distinction in my life between planning and being. There is a delicate balance that I am trying to master… more on this later.

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