This morning I woke early to go to the Boulder Zen Center for some meditation, enjoying a beautiful sunrise on my bicycle as I cruised through the cool morning air. On my way home I felt inspired to do some writing so I made a cup of chai, sat down at my desk and then….. my computer continuously crashed for about an hour… My mind taken ageist my will from the creative, inspired realm to the frustrated, logical realm.
My ThinkPad has had this problem for several months now – I’ve spent more hours than I care to admit troubleshooting it. Simply wasting time while my computer restarts and I have to retype the 3 page e-mail I had already started… The easy answer is to buy a new laptop- but with no job and extra time on my hands, can I justify this? Its also more than just the money for me – it’s the challenge of problem solving a complex problem. I used to professionally do this in fact – flying all around the world to troubleshoot complex software issues.
I’ll spare you too many of the details- driver updates, BIOS flashes, operating system reinstalls, hard drive diagnostics, extended memory tests, battery replacements, computer reiki and various levels of force of hitting my keyboard have all been attempted.
The most interesting thing in this process of course is watching my mind during this issue, seeing how this specific thing can highlight some of my patterns. First, and the most obvious is that I hate it when things don’t work, specifically technological things. I’m the guy who, even if spending only a day or two at your house, will make sure your computer functions well, that the clock on your microwave is set to the right time and that your heat is set to go and off at the In my own personal world of technology, it can even get worse. Sometimes I find myself at an ungodly hour trying to fix something that if I only took a step back I’d realize that I don’t even need- my focus in these moments has become more about the intellectual challenge itself than the result of the problem being solved.
Realizing this pattern – I can see how I also apply it to my relationship with the world. It’s a matter of control- fixing things or trying to understand things that are slightly beyond my limit. Of course the world, by definition is unknowable, yet this plight of mine continues. I guess recognition is the first step!
Now back to Troubleshooting 🙂